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My Latest Blog
The Empath-Narcissist Dynamic: 3 Steps to End this Destructive Pattern for Good
The Empath-Narcissist relationship is a highly charged one filled with emotions, chemistry, and toxic alchemy. Energetically drawn to one another through the dance of the dark and the light, the Empath must learn to completely withdraw her/himself from the relationship. At its best this dynamic leaves the Empath at the mercy of the Narcissist for her sense of self-worth, love and approval. At its worst, it leaves the Empath completely broken mentally, emotionally and spiritually, with a very real threat to her very existence.
The Empath feels other peoples’ emotions deeply. This ability breeds the desire to want to help free people from their suffering. Many intuitive healers, psychics and coaches use this ability to help their clients. The Empath feels the heart and soul of others. She knows that even the most difficult and unhappy people have light within them, so this can cause the Empath to feel sorry for the Narcissist because she can feel their deep wounds and pain. This causes her to want to give, to help, to heal, to protect, to nurture, even in extreme cases. Feeling sorry for the Narcissist is very common; it’s also very destructive, for the desire to change, fix and heal another can override their desire to care for themselves.
The Narcissist is an unawakened soul who is in the process of learning who they are. They have not connected to their heart-light so they are learning about their sovereign power and how they can use that power to get their lower-self needs met. They can be very charming and alluring. They have learned to manipulate others to feel powerful, safe and secure. Because the Narcissist is ruled by fear, they become abusive to make others feel insecure, needy and afraid. This gives them a sense of security that they will not be left or abandoned by another. Being alone is their greatest fear and directly related to their sense of survival, so they will do whatever it takes to insure they are never alone.
The Empath too is still learning about love and what it is and what it isn’t. He must come to understand that love is never abusive, unkind, manipulative or coercive in any way. He must discover that relinquishing her/his power in the name of “love” is not the way to have a healthy, balanced, respectful, fulfilling relationship. He must realize that his self-worth is far greater than that.
Understanding the virulent dance between the Empath and Narcissist is imperative to breaking the cycle. Knowing that the Narcissist is also being held in an abusive cycle by staying in the relationship is the first step in breaking the pattern. Tolerating abuse in any way is highly dysfunctional, so while it is extremely painful to do so, walking away is the biggest gift the Empath can give to her/himself and to the Narcissist. The Narcissist must feel her/his own pain and be left alone, in their greatest fear, to understand that this is not the road to love.
Once the Empath realizes that staying in the relationship is actually far more harmful than helpful, the second step is to completely cut off all communication from the Narcissist. Blocking the Narcissist’s phone number, unfollowing them on all social media platforms to include any friends or family of the Narcissist is the only way to sever the emotional and energetic cord. Much akin to a stalker, there can be no engagement whatsoever. The Empath must fully grieve the loss of the relationship and begin to work on her/himself, which leads us to the final and third step.
Getting professional help with a therapist or a holistic healer who understands this dynamic will help the Empath with her/his own unhealed places which have allowed the dynamic to play out in the first place. Getting to the root cause of low self-esteem and self-worth, in addition to the need to save others will illuminate the inner work needed at this time. This is a deeply embedded dynamic and will take some time to work through, but it can be done. Knowing that breaking this cycle will benefit all parties involved can provide inner peace while moving through this process. No one benefits from abuse. Everyone benefits from love. Walking away from a potentially life threatening, heart and soul threatening relationship is an act of LOVE.
Call to Action: If you are in a toxic relationship and you know you must get out, what is the one step that you can take today to make it happen? Do it NOW.
***If you are in any danger, please seek professional help before you take any other step. If you are married, have children, or are in fear of your physical safety, you must have a support team and plan in place to help you break free from the relationship.